Traditional Bride, Modern Bride

House of Hsueh Clutches: Great Accessories, Great Gifts

2010-08-18T08:07:00.000-04:00

One thing that many brides are thinking about is what to get their bridesmaids as a thank you gift. For me, the choice was pretty easy. The first thing I thought of were House of Hsueh bags. Hand-made by Toronto-based designer, Benita Hsueh, they are very versatile and can be used as small purses or as make-up bags. They come in different styles - clutches (two sizes) and circle bags with handles and are available in many different styles. In addition to bags, House of Hsueh has also produced jewellery, such as earrings and brooches. All pieces are as enviromentally conscious and yes, unique.

The bags are currently available for sale at stores such as The Fashion District, Distill Gallery and With Love Gifts. Bags are also available for custom order. Price, on average, is around $40-50.

This was also posted in Prospere Magazine

OMG! It's WEDDING WEEK!!!

2010-08-16T17:36:00.000-04:00

In less than a week, I'll be married! Yes, that's right. My wedding is THIS SATURDAY. Everything is pretty much done. I just have to chill for the next few days and, of course, pray for good weather!

I'll post pictures soon.

C

It's coming up!!!!

2010-08-04T23:02:00.000-04:00

So my dress has been picked up (nope, no pics until AFTER the ceremony), the cake and flower deposits paid and things are pretty much set to go. Just a little over 2 weeks until the BIG DAY! One little frustration I have is that we still don't have an official DJ assignment. I have spoken with the DJ company and they have a rough idea of who they're going to assign to us, but I'll have to bug them again this week to see if there are any updates. We also need to confirm our table arrangements with the venue (will send them an email later this week/early next). Geez, lots to do!

Groom's Procession!!

2010-07-22T23:19:00.001-04:00

So we are not going to have a conventional procession. We are going to be mixing up some traditions from both sides and then adding some personal touches. Most likely, my fiance will be walked down the aisle by his parents to Edward Elgar's Salut D'Amour:

The bridal party, starting with the Best Man and ending with the Flower Girl will walk to Bach's Arioso:

And my parents will walk me down to:

What do you think??

The Registry

2010-07-16T09:17:00.000-04:00

There are both good and bad points about the registry our registry. The good? It allows for international billing addresses - both my fiance and I have tons of guests from outside Canada (US-based stores with Canadian locations don't allow for billing addresses outside Canada, so registring at places like Williams-Sonoma, Crate and Barrel or Bed, Bath and Beyond were out for us. If Americans wanted to make purchases, they'd have to call in). The bad? There are sooooo many. The first is that you don't get to see what the product is. When you type in our names, you just get a list. You then click on a button next to the product and type in the number you want to purchase. There are NO pictures. Does the store not realize that it's 2010? Still, though, it's the biggest registry in Canada. I don't get why they don't make any improvements. Surely, people have complained! The interface is seriously from like 1992 or something. I realize that they don't have e-commerce, but STILL!

Another issue is how they don't always notify you that something has been purchased. I spoke with the store, and they said that this usually means that someone bought it at the store and took it home. Not true. When I went to the store to pick up some of the gifts (another problem - most other stores will SEND the gift to your house. Not this place - you HAVE TO PICK UP!! Totally WTF, no?), a rep said that they were purchased online. So why wasn't I getting any e-mails? I only found out who gave me the gift from a handwritten list at the store. Again, WTF??!!

This store, a NATIONAL CHAIN, really needs to step up and enter the 21st century. They have good products, just not a good website.

Less than SEVEN WEEKS!!!

2010-07-05T09:45:00.000-04:00

It's getting close! Less than two months! We've finally decided on the music:

Bridesmaids' Procession: J.S. Bach's Arioso

Bride's procession: Andre Campra's Rigaudon

Recession: W.A. Mozart's Eine Klein Nachtmusik - Allegro

Second Dress or Not?

2010-06-23T18:17:00.000-04:00

I'm seriously debating whether to get a second dress to wear at the reception (after the first dance and all). I hadn't originally planned on changing - it's tradition in modern Chinese weddings for the bride to have up to five dresses - but the more I think about it, the more I think that I should have a party dress for dancing later on in the evening, something easier to move around in. There are plenty of affordable white dresses on J.Crew's website...

What do you think?

Accomodating Kids

2010-06-07T23:39:00.000-04:00

There are a handful of kids under 12 coming to the wedding. All are children of relatives or very close friends. Because our meal choices are decidedly grown-up (steak, salmon or risotto), we have a special menu for the young ones. It's interesting kind of choices are available - burgers, chicken fingers, hot dogs, pizza and pasta. Kid friendly, but not all that healthy, either.

For us, it was pretty easy to decide on the kids' choice - pasta. We decided on that because of the varying ages of the kids. The youngest who'll be eating a regular meal is two, while the oldest is five. Pasta is something that a very young child would eat. Also, the pasta is more "grown-up" than the other choices!

Half the RSVPs are in, but....

2010-06-02T10:07:00.000-04:00

...what bugs me the most are those who call and say that they're going to come without either RSVPing on our website or sending in their response card. Personally, I don't consider verbal confirmations official. As we have meal choices, paper or electronic confirmation is very important. What bugs me even more are third party confirmations - when someone tells me that another invitee is coming, without the actual invitee contacting us directly. I won't mark down anyone as officially coming unless they contact me themselves. However, regrets through third party contacts are acceptable (though not ideal).

I realize that some of this might be cultural - I've had more RSVP issues on my side than from my fiance's. It *IS* tough to be the first generation born in Canada. Even if your parents and close relatives get you, it doesn't mean that more distant relatives do - especially if they don't live here. They'll just continue to do things they consider is proper etiquette.

On Chinese Wedding Traditions

2010-05-10T07:24:00.003-04:00

I like criticizing and commenting on weddings. Sometimes, to the point that I think I should be on the show, Four Weddings. Of course, being on a reality show isn't my cup of tea. I want to be on television, but I also don't want do subject myself to anything that may be seen as embarassing. This is why I mostly stick to talking about other people's, either online or to friends and family. One topic I like to do the most is to criticize weddings from people with a similar cultural background.

Examples of Door Games at a Chinese Wedding

Chinese weddings (both in the west and in Asia) can range from outright modern-traditional (no one does traditional-traditional anymore. In fact, I don't think anyone has since the 1960s. It's just not politically correct in this day and age) to ones with very little cultural traditions. Usually, weddings which fall into the latter category are intercultural weddings. Some traditions can be very over the top, in my opinion. I mean, who really needs to have three or four dresses? Two (one white, western gown and one red, Chinese kwa) dresses are plenty. Besides, when you're paying four figures for a dress (as most wedding gowns are), don't you want to wear it longer? Door games can be a little crazy, too. Originally meant to quiz the groom on what he knows about the bride (meaning whether he truly cared for her or not), they have, for many, gone way, way OTT. I've seen some which would likely earn a PG-13/14A rating (or higher!!!) if it were a movie. It may be fun to make the boys perform unusual tasks, especially if it involves push ups, donning wigs or eating/drinking very spicey foods, but what if it's on the verge of embarassing? You're most likely being video taped, so what if it somehow ends up on YouTube? Reception are crazy, too. Seriously, folks, brides and grooms aren't 20 year old university students. Those games should have been left behind when one graduated.

Tea Ceremony

Two traditions I *DO* like, both which will be in my wedding, are the tea ceremony and table toasting. They are lovely traditions that are both very civilized. Though the origin of the ceremony is sad - in the old days, a girl officially leaves her family when she marries - it's a way to honour parents and other family members for raising you as well as bring together both families. Table toasting, where the bride, groom and sometimes, their parents and/or elder relatives go from table to table to toast guests and be toasted, is another tradition I am a fan of.

I know this post makes me sound stiff, but I like weddings to feel elegant, from start to finish. Some of the traditions, unfortunately, just aren't the case to me. Or at least, not the case anymore. I realize that some might see door games, for example, as a way to loosen up, but really, what would you do if it goes viral on YouTube? I honestly don't want to be the next crazy reality star. If I want to be on television, I want to get in the proper way.

Also posted in Prospere Magazine

Four Months to Go, Cake Cards and Next Steps

2010-04-22T11:44:00.000-04:00

In four month's time, I would be a married woman. Yesterday marked our four-months-to-the-wedding date! It's been crazy with invitations (we ordered ours through Stephita. They're AMAZING and very affordable compared to other places. Not only are there a lot of choices when it comes to customization, but they print everything on the premises. Really lowers the cost - to as much as HALF per card!).

My parents are giving "cake cards" out to our family members who live in town. It's a modern tradition in the Chinese community to do this, an off shoot of a tradition in the old days where parents of the bride hand out actual cakes/buns after an engagement. It only goes to guests on the girl's side. However, in modern times, not all invitations are hand-delivered, so it's much easier/convenient/cheaper to include a gift card in the invitation. All bakeries in Chinese malls sell these. At first, I was against giving them out - why bother, right? But my mother said that it would look bad on us if we didn't. My parents have been invited to two weddings this summer and both invites included these cards. They said that having them was "tradition." What tradition? It isn't really MINE. It's THEIRS. But since they're the ones handing delivering those invitations, I guess they can do whatever they want with them.

As for the next steps? Clothes. My dress should be ready for the first fitting in the next few weeks. They haven't contacted me about it yet. As for the bridesmaids, one girl already has her dress and the others have either ordered it or will be ordering. I had *THOUGHT* my flower girl's dress had been ordered, but it turns out that the one we chose has been discontinued. So we're back at square one. As for the guys? My fiance has his tux placed and we are going this weekend to get the groomsmen and ring bearer outfits.

Dresses

2010-04-10T11:17:00.000-04:00

Though I love my dress and all (it's going to be ready by the end of the month/early next month!!!), I can't help but wonder if I really should have bought local, rather than a big brand name. My mom wanted me to get the latter - they felt that a known brand would have better QA. However, I also love to support local designers and dressmakers. Why not? Sure, no one's ever heard of them, but everyone was an unknown at one point.

Would you buy a wedding gown from an up-and-coming/unknown designer? Or would you stick to a well-known name?

Less than five months to go!!!

2010-04-02T00:41:00.003-04:00

Can't believe it's almost here. We've officially ordered our invitations will be getting them in a couple of weeks. What else do we have to do?

Finalize registry
Dress fittings
Mail out invites
Dance lessons!!!!
Seating plan
Pay installments for photog, videography, DJ, etc...
Get licence (can't do that until late May or later - you have to get it no earlier than 90 days before the wedding)
Meet with officiant

I hope I'm not leaving anything out!

Even more music possibilities

2010-03-18T14:35:00.002-04:00

Rigaudon by Andre Campras

The grand march from Aida is also a possibility, but is it a GOOD CHOICE? I mean, considering what happens in the story...

Menu Tasting

2010-03-04T12:42:00.002-05:00

The fiance and I went for our menu tasting a few days ago. Though we've pretty much decided on what we're going to serve, we're a little conflicted about the salad course. I've chosen a quinoa salad. However, I'm beginning to wonder: Is it too starchy for a salad course? Should I request that more vegetables be added? Also, will non-foodies eat quinoa? Or am I underestimating people?

The other menu choices, such as the carrot soup and our mains, are probably dishes that most people will like. What do you think?

Cynthia's Style Guide!

2010-02-17T11:05:00.008-05:00

The guide books don't have answers to everything. It's to the point that I've decided to develop something called Cynthia's Style Guide for the Twenty-First Century. Loosely based on more traditional guides like Emily Post or Debrett's, it is also an updated version which fits today's modern society. It is very difficult to find out how to address blended families in the traditional guides. While etiquette books do update every few years, some rules seem to remain the same, even though society has changed. Don't you find it interesting that though Emily Post's books have updated to include what to do for women who've kept their last names, but didn't bother to change the rule to make it okay to include a woman's given name if she HAS changed her last name (a lot of younger married women complain about this)? In Cynthia's Guide, both would be considered correct. As we are becoming a greener society, it is also fine to include unmarried adult children living at home in the same invitation, though unmarried adults living away will receive his or her own (this apparently goes against Chinese tradition, but whatever).

So here are some of my rules (these rules assume that no inner envelope is used):

To a married couple where the wife has taken her husband's name:

Mr. John and Mrs. Mary Smith (or Mr. and Mrs. John Smith)

Married couple where the wife has kept her name:

Mr. John Smith and Ms. Mary Jones

An unmarried couple living together will be addressed the same way. Some guides say that the guy's name is always first, but you can put whomever you know better.

Married couple where the wife has a hyphenated her last name (or has a double last name):

Mr. John Smith and Ms. Mary Jones-Smith (or Ms. Mary Jones Smith)

Same-sex couples:

Mr. Simon Brown and Mr. Evan Harris (Ms. for women)

The traditional family:

Mr. John and Mrs. Mary Smith
Kate and Robert (last name and courtesy titles optional)

(it is assumed that the children have the same last name as their father in this case. Follow the rules for married couples when addressing envelopes).

Unmarried couples with kids: same as above.

Women with a different last name as their kids: Include the kids' last name(s)

e.g. Ms. Jennifer Smith
Laura and Robert Jones

It's best to include the kids' names, but if there are many, the parents names and family is fine.
If you decide to use courtesy titles, you can:

Mr. John and Mrs. Mary Smith
Miss (or Ms.) Laura and Mr. Robert Smith (family with a boy and a girl)

Mr. John and Mrs. Mary Smith
Misses Laura and Stephanie Smith (two+ girls)

Mr. John and Mrs. Mary Smith
Messrs. Robert and David Smith

Widowed women:

Mrs. Mary Smith (or Ms. Mary Smith or whatever she was called while her husband was still alive)

Divorced women:

Ms. Mary Jones

Professional titles:

The person with the professional title goes first. So, if the wife is a doctor and the husband is not, her name is first.

E.g. Doctor Louisa and Mr. Benjamin Wong

When both the husband and wife are doctors:

Doctors Albert and Marissa Cohen

When both are doctors and the wife has a different last name:

Doctor Michael Chan and Doctor Elise James

While many of these rules will probably be considered "inappropriate" by traditional standards, we are in a new century and should have new rules.

Proper in One Culture but not the Other...

2010-02-15T16:10:00.003-05:00

What do you do in this case? As you readers probaly know, I was raised/exposed primarily to western culture, especially when it comes to manners. I only recently found out that some things I was taught (in an Emily Post sort of way) was actually considered rude in traditional Chinese culture - especially with the elderly. For example, I was told, literally just two days ago, that it was improper to address invitations sent to my grandparents as Mr. and Mrs. It HAS to go to "Grandfather" or "Grandmother." I was taught that something like this goes into an inner envelope, if I have one (and I don't). The outer envelope, the one that the post office sees, should be Mr. and/or Mrs. or Ms. What should I do? Any advice?

It's interesting that many non-Chinese multiculturalists expect people like me to know all about Chinese etiquette. I do not. In fact, most Jook Sings do not.

More on Music....(the bride's entrance)

2010-02-06T12:35:00.003-05:00

What's a better bride procession piece:

Hornpipe (Handel):

or

Mouret's Rondeau (aka theme from Masterpiece Theatre):

Both pieces will be played by a violinist, a cellist and a keyboardist. Also, if I decide on Hornpipe, would it be (ummmm) too much Handel? I am also having a soloist sing Where'er You Walk.

Flowergirl Dresses....

2010-02-04T10:16:00.003-05:00

Why, oh, why are they so expensive? One of the dresses I liked was about the same cost as many bridesmaid dresses! I have to admit that I'm being a little more picky, because my flower girl is NOT going to wear white (she will be wearing lavendar, since darker purple can look harsh on a four year old), but still, a kid's dress shouldn't be like $175!

In other news, we pretty much have all our vendors in place as we signed our florist this week. Next step? Menu tastings!

When is 'cream' too white?

2010-01-17T16:29:00.006-05:00

Is this white or cream?

Honestly, I sometimes wish my parents tell me what proper modern Chinese wedding etiquette is. It's not really something I bother Googling, because I assume that my parents are okay with my overwhelmingly westernized upbringing and rules. And then, lo and behold, they, at last minute (or sometimes even much, much later), tell me that something is a faux pas. Take flowers for example. I'm apparently not allowed to have white flowers, because that's what's used in Chinese funerals (but a white dress is allowed. In fact, a western wedding gown is EXPECTED. And mine is white-white. Not cream. Not off-white. Not champagne. The cake frosting is expected to be white, also.) Fine. Let's go with cream. However, when does white become cream? Is the picture above cream or white? My bridesmaids are supposed to be the opposite of me - purple dresses with a predominantly cream bouquet (even if white were "allowed," it would be too harsh for their purple, anyway), while I have a predominantly purple bouquet. I don't want to ruin my colour scheme and don't want the "cream" flowers to be too-too yellow/peach, either.

Any suggestions?

Things are coming along.....

2010-01-10T23:33:00.002-05:00

So far, we've had the following booked:

Venue
Bridal Party
My Dress!
Cake
Photographer (we've even had our engagement shoot)
Videographer (see above)
Rings
Hotel for out-of-town guests
Favours
Officiant
DJ
Invitations
Musicians for the ceremony

What we still need to do:

Linens (well, chair covers)
Licence (can't get it until the end of May/early June as they're only valid for 90 days)
Flowers
My shoes
My headpiece
Make-up/hair people
Menu for reception
Rehearsal dinner venue

and probably a few more things I've left out!

My Dream Shoes

2010-01-02T12:28:00.006-05:00

This is pretty much the only time I can SPLURGE for shoes and THESE are my dream shoes:

They are also available in silver as well as black, purple (a wedding colour!). I'm probably going to stay with the metallics, but purple sounds good, too!

Update...

2009-12-24T20:00:00.002-05:00

A short update here....I'm on vacation...in Hong Kong....we've just about signed our musicians (still need to officially pay deposit and sign a contract), so we're really on our way.....more later.....

Cake!

2009-12-09T20:49:00.003-05:00

Guess what? We have placed a deposit for our cake. It's going to be three tiers with the bottom tier being chocolate and the remaining two being vanilla and strawberry. What's next? I've started looking at hair/make-up artists. Make-up artists aren't that easy to find - they're like videographers. There are a lot in Toronto, but many don't have the best portfolios - especially those who're affordable. The ones who're good don't always have the most affordable prices. I want to be able to get a good package for me as well as my bridesmaids!

I've also started to call around for linens. We're looking for chaircovers only as the venue provides table clothes and napkins. Our colours are violet with a bit of lilac and honeydew green and I'm not sure if I should go all white (table clothes will be white) or white with a violet ribbon. What do you guys think?

What is WRONG with people? Groom updates Facebook status DURING HIS OWN WEDDING!

2009-12-02T10:44:00.001-05:00

See why people need to get polished?

I am definitely going to be muting my Blackberry during MY wedding!

Wedding Cake Sizes and Servings

2009-11-22T17:36:00.002-05:00

The fiance and I are at a loss. We aren't sure exactly what size of cake we should be ordering. We're expecting about 150 people at the wedding and will be serving cake in addition to a dessert course and sweets table. Since the cake won't be part of the dessert course, we don't need to get cake for 150 people - 100ish will be sufficient. However, different pastry shops are telling us that we need different sizes. Shop A recommends a cake 9" x 12" x 16" in diameter, while Shop B recommends 6" x 9"x 12". According to Shop A, a cake Shop B's size only feeds 60-70ish. I realize that some places don't include the top tier - some regions have a tradition where the couple keeps that tier. Usually, they freeze it and eat it on their first anniversary (some do it after their first child is born).

What do you think? What are your suggestions?

Wedding Gown and What We've Had Done So Far

2009-11-10T12:55:00.009-05:00

Well, ladies and gentlemen, in case you haven't heard, I HAVE MY DRESS! I can't show you any pictures until after the ceremony, but I CAN tell you that it is GORGEOUS and very versatile - something which I was looking for at the beginning anyway. I don't want a princess ball gown - not only is it inappropriate for an outdoor ceremony, but such a dress will be overwhelming on a petite figure. I should be going to my first fitting in about five months.

So far, we have the following done:

My wedding gown
Decided on bridal party
DJ
Officiant
Venue (catering included)
Photographer
Videographer
Guest List

What we *STILL* need to do:

Invitations (we are not sending out traditional Save the Dates on snail mail. We have either told people via word-of-mouth or e-mail)
Ceremony musicians
Cake
Flowers
Bridal Party attire
Groom's tux
Licence (this is done two or three months before the wedding date)
Rehearsal dinner catering
Favours
Gifts for bridal party
Hair/Make-up
Linens (the venue does not provide chair covers)
Hotel for out-of-town guests

We've already met with a few invitation places (prices really range - generally from anywhere between $3 Canadian/invite to over $12!! Some places include set-up and assembly charges, others do not) and are very close to making our decision. We have also spoken with cake shops. If anyone has suggestions for cakes, let me know! We need a place offers a delivery service.

From the Dessy site.......

2009-11-01T00:28:00.000-04:00

What do you guys think so far? Any colour changes?

Tea Ceremony - Yes or No?

2009-10-26T01:58:00.004-04:00

In a more traditional, yet modern Chinese wedding, the bride serves tea to her parents prior to leaving their house to thank them for raising her. It is supposed to be intimate and is only done by the bride. Today, she does this alongside the groom - after the groom picks her up at her parents' home (and after her bridesmaids try to prevent the groom and groomsmen from coming in - unless they pay up!! Usually, this means requiring the a guy to do crazy things, such as walking with a dictionary on his head, etc...it can get a little ummm...adult at times, too). Tea is then served at the groom's home before heading to the legal ceremony. Jewellery and/or lai see (lucky money in red envelopes) are given to the couple by those who're getting tea (elder relatives such as parents, grandparents, older siblings (especially those already married). Now that I am getting married next year, the question is this: Do I even bother? I'm marrying someone outside of my culture and the tea ceremony isn't even something I'm 100% familiar with. I grew up here. Until I was in my 20s, I thought that in Canada, the tea ceremony was done after the legal ceremony, because the bride and groom weren't supposed to see each other. Little did I know that this "tradition" only applies in English-speaking cultures (so does wearing something old, borrowed or blue, but that's another issue). In any case, it's even more changing for the bride, since she'll be in white, then changing into a Chinese dress for the tea ceremony and back to her white dress to go to the reception, no?

I'm 99.9% sure I won't be changing clothes. It isn't something I really feel like doing, despite what my family is trying to encourage me to do. The dress I want isn't a big, poofy princess gown, meaning that I can sit, dance, etc wearing what I'm wearing. But back to the tea thing: Since I don't want to do it before the actual ceremony, I have three (maybe four) options:

1. Do it during at the rehearsal dinner - tea ceremonies are only suppposed to involve family, anyway

2. In between the legal ceremony and reception (i.e. during cocktails)

3. The day after - at brunch (if I decide to have one)

4. Not at all

What do you think?

Note: My parents are ok with me not doing it. However, they do think that I should "stick to tradition" and do it before the actual wedding. I have suggested the rehearsal, but they think the day before is a little "different" (what's wrong with "different?" I know a few people who are having (or had) opposite sex attendants (e.g. man of honour, best woman)!)

Note: This is also posted on Jook Sing Life

More Music Possibilities

2009-10-13T17:08:00.005-04:00

Ode to Joy w/violin and guitar. Not really my style in this case (first part too slow, second part too fast), but it's something I'm considering. Eine kliene nachtmusik isn't that bad with vioin/guitar either (though it'll sound better with TWO violins and a guitar).

Do you think Ode to Joy borders on being too "religious"?

First Dress Appointments!

2009-10-06T00:14:00.002-04:00

I went to my first two appointments today! You wouldn't believe how many poofy dresses bridal salons have. They were all so heavy, too. Definitely something I'm not going to consider. Despite not wanting anything strapless, I did try a few and may actually consider them (though they're still not on the top of my list). I've also figured out a silhouette that I like - think slinky, old Hollywood. The lighter the material, the better, too.

Stay tuned for more updates on dresses and so forth!

More on dresses...

2009-09-23T15:47:00.003-04:00

Well, I've started to look for gowns. I'm *STILL* not going for strapless and am not looking at anything to princessy/ball gown either. After all, it's an outdoor wedding. You don't want to look inappropriate. Since it's going to be outside, I want a more "chill" atmosphere, while at the same time, remain formal-ish. I don't know what to call it. It's not quite black tie optional and it's not "semi-formal" either. I guess it's going to be somewhere in between. Is there such a thing? Since it's not semi-formal or casual, the dress will definitely be long. Whether it's just going to touch the ground or have a short train remains to be decided - after I try things on. I'm also not sure if I'm going to have a veil. Again, we'll have to see!

Stay tuned!

Bridal Shows!

2009-09-09T15:31:00.003-04:00

My fiance and I will be going to a bridal show in a couple of weeks. Though we already have our photographer and videographer, we're hoping to scout out other vendors there. What we're still looking for are:

- Cake
- Flowers
- DJ
- Linens (the venue will provide table clothes, but not chair covers)
- Attire
- Musicians (we want live music for the ceremony)
- Printers (for invitations)

....and probably a few things I have forgotten.

Suggestions are most definitely welcome :)

Band or DJ?

2009-08-30T15:39:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, my fiance asked me whether we'd like a DJ or a live band. I'm still kind of undecided. There are good and bad points for either - a live band can be really good if they are talented. And people like live entertainment. On the other hand, good bands are very, very difficult to find. And if they're not used to a certain kind of music, they're going to have to learn it. On the other hand, a DJ has a collection of music that he/she plays. If you're interested in playing music that might not normally be played at weddings, you can always hand the DJ a playlist before hand so he/she can get the music.

Of course, there are bad DJs as well. And selecting one probably isn't as easy as looking at photographers or videographers. DJs don't really have portfolios. The only way to really hear a DJ "perform" is to actually attend events. This isn't something that most people have the time to do!

Space is another issue - our venue isn't that big, so having a live band means that they have to be small - maybe three instruments and a singer. DJs take up less room - all they need is a table for their equipment.

What do you think? DJ or band?

Dresses.....

2009-08-22T19:55:00.003-04:00

(NOT a dress the poster will be getting)

I have not started to look for my dress yet. I mean, I've looked around various wedding websites for styles I like, but I have not booked an appointment with any store to try dresses on. I have a rough idea of what I want. I don't want a strapless dress, since every that seems to be what every single bride has been wearing for the past ten years. I am definitely getting at least some straps, no matter what other brides have been telling me (every girl who has married has said that I'll change my mind about going strap - I am out to prove them wrong). I don't want to be the bride who is constasntly pulling on her gown (this can happen, even with good lingerie and alterations) I also want to be different. In addition to strapless, it's also not going to be a princess-like ball gown. I'm approximately 5'2" and less than 100 lb. There's NO WAY dresses like that will work on me! Or, do you think I'll end up going strapless like everyone else?

Setting Dates, Superstitions and All That Jazz

2009-08-16T19:32:00.004-04:00

I don't consider myself superstitious, but for some reason, I felt that it was important that we had a "good day" for our wedding. In fact, I even asked my parents to talk to my grandmother in Hong Kong to see if she could find out what the best days were next year. There's a book, something similar to the Farmer's Almanac, which "determines" what days are good. It isn't just for weddings, but also for grand openings/launches as well.

I did some research myself, online, as well. The 2010 edition wasn't available when we contacted my grandmother, but there were numerous websites which also did the job. I actually consulted three sites, in case they were going to say something different - you never know, right? We had two dates in mind at the time, and all three of them said that one of the chosen dates was considered excellent. The other date, however, ranged from being "so-so" to downright awful. So guess which day we decided to go for?

Some people go into a lot of detail to choose dates, using not just birthdates of the bride and the groom, but also the exact hour and time zone! That's a little too much, I think.

Tradition! Tradition! (Part One)

2009-08-11T00:00:00.000-04:00

People have been asking me whether I'm going to have more than one dress - it is, after all, modern Chinese tradition to change at least once (most brides of Chinese descent I know wear white for the ceremony, change to a red one mid-way through the reception and end the evening in an evening gown). I don't know when this tradition started, but it's been around for at least a few decades - my mom and dad married in the 1970s and she changed. There are others who have asked me why I'm bothering to wear white at all, since it is a colour of mourning in many eastern traditions.

It's interesting who these people are - mostly are older people, who don't have much exposure to Chinese culture, beyond books and PBS documentaries. They're often overtly politically correct and abhor the fact that you are eroding your "own" culture by "adapting" what's around you, even if it's the culture you've grown up with OR something that even your parents did. I have also experienced this with people who're immigrants themselves, or sometimes, even KIDS OF IMMIGRANTS (a little odd, IMHO). When you tell them, there's a confused look on their face (this is a true story: A woman who worked in an admin position at my grad school told me how "sad" she was when she saw a bride of Asian descent wear white. She was like "I hope you don't do that." WTF? I repeat, WTF???!!!!!!

Anyway, back to the dress thing. I'm just not going to bother to change. I don't want to haul several outfits with me, since it's so much to take along. In any case, it's a wedding, not a fashion show. If I *WERE* to change, it'll only be one outfit - to a Chinese gown. I don't want to make a big spectacle out of clothing. It's just not my cup of tea.

Venue & Photographer Chosen...Now Next Steps

2009-08-08T11:49:00.003-04:00

We've finally decided on a photographer! So now that we've signed with him, the next steps are to look for other wedding-related services. We've interviewed with videographers, but haven't come to a decision yet. Like photography, we don't want straight-out, boring DVDs. If we wanted that, we could just ask someone who has a video camera to do it for us! And likely for free, too. Does anyone have suggestions as to what to look for in a videographer? We know that questions to ask include hours of coverage, number of copies we get (we are hoping for three. One for us, and one for each set of parents), editing, price, etc...

Other things we need to do: Cake, Flowers, Officiant, Favours and of course GOWN!

Music, Music, Music!

2009-07-31T21:46:00.005-04:00

I've been thinking about music for the wedding. I am definitely looking at classical for the ceremony. But which pieces should we go for? One thing we AREN'T going to use is Wagner's "Bridal Chorus". Not only is it considered inappropriate in by both Catholics and Jews (though for different reasons. Catholics do not like the piece because not only because it is secular (from an opera) and has pagan roots, but because the marriage of two of the characters, Elsa and Lohengrin is doomed from the start. Jews do not play the "Bridal Chorus" because of Wagner's supposed anti-semetic beliefs. In any case, the "Bridal Chorus" kind of overdone and a little cheesy in my opinion.

Currently, my two favourites for the procession are Mouret's Rondeau (aka theme from Masterpiece Theatre) and Purcell Trumpet Tune. What do you think works best?

(Mouret's Rondeau)

Purcell's Trumpet Tune

The Photographer Hunt Continues!

2009-07-24T23:40:00.003-04:00

I can't believe that it takes so much work to find a photographer! We've interviewed three so far, yet we still aren't even close to coming to a decision. It's really hard! It isn't just about the price of the photographer, but what the packages offer. These days, it means that the photographer SHOULD offer a lo-res CD or DVD in their most basic package for clients to email/post on social networking sites like Facebook (most I've come across do).

It isn't just about the package. The photos have to be really, really good. In fact, they have to be absolutely PERFECT in your eyes - this, along with your video, should you have one, will record the most important day of your life. If you want something more editorial or artistic, don't find someone whose portfolio is made up of boring, pos-y pictures. You also want a photographer who "fits well" at your venue. If you're getting married at a country club or say, the Four Seasons, you don't want a photographer who is covered with piercings and/or tattoos. 1980s heavy metal band shirts and ski hats are also inappropriate. The photographer should look professional. Concert Ts and ski hats are NOT. Nor are shorts - my fiance's sister married last year, and the photographer showed up looking like he was working on his yard rather than taking pictures at a wedding.

Anyway, I hope we're going to be able to decide on a photographer soon. The wedding is only 13 months away!

Venue Stuff and Next Steps...

2009-07-15T17:22:00.003-04:00

...so it looks like we're going to be doing the ceremony and the reception/dinner at the same place after all. We will be officially booking next week after we meet with his parents and get their official ok. The next step is to book a photographer. We've found a few places which we liked, and have booked a couple of appointments. We're most likely going to meet with three to five people and make our decision from there.

Venue Issues...

2009-07-09T16:19:00.004-04:00

Places here book up really, really quickly! I'm looking for alternative ceremony spaces (we have pretty much decided on where we're going to have the dinner, but we aren't 100% on ) and many spots are gone. Other spots won't allow you to have a ceremony only (they have a food minimum). Because we are interfaith, we are very limited in where we can book for a ceremony unless we do it in City Hall. We would prefer a place which has a good indoor alternative - hey, what if it rains, right? We can't predict the weather a year in advance!

Photographers....so expensive!!!

2009-07-05T00:36:00.005-04:00

Boy, they're expensive! I've checked out a bunch of places online, and they tend to range in the high 1000s to mid-2000s. Some of my friends had photographers which were pricier - up to $6K or more! I'm not sure if we really need to spend that much....do we? Are all those extras (parents' albums, fancy-schmancy albums for the couple, themes, etc...) really worth it? If you've been married, did the photographer/studio try to get you to upgrade your package?

We haven't begun our official search yet. Right now, we're just compiling information. If you know of any good photographers who don't charge an arm and a leg in the Toronto area, feel free to let us know.

NOTE: In some cultures, couples go into studios for a portrait sitting, often decked in full wedding gear. The issue with this is that the bride isn't wearing her "real" dress most of the time, since these sittings can occur a month prior to the actual ceremony. In additon, there's the extra price for make-up and hair. Is there a point to that? Doesn't that drive up the cost of photography?

More Culture Clashes

2009-07-02T10:57:00.007-04:00

My parents have told me that if some people are invited, we have to invite their whole family, adult children included. The adult children don't get their own invite not because we're trying to save trees, but because it's what you're "supposed to do" in Chinese culture (these people aren't considered full adults until they're officially out of the house (i.e. married...an exception MIGHT be made if said "kidult" moved to the other side of the country/continent/other part of the world because they're so far away). To send a second invite to adult children means that you're expecting another gift. They don't even think that we need to put the kidults' names on the invitation (I am ok with sending one invite per household, of course, but I am NOT ok with not including names of the kids, whether they're of age or NOT, unless I don't know the kids' names. It's as if the kids aren't "real people" if their names weren't included.) I think my parents really should have stuck with the "green" thing because they SHOULD know that I won't necessarily"get" it. Not all first generation Canadian-born kids are going to fully understand ALL old country customs. I think immigrant parents sometimes forget that. Actually, a lot of people forget that, including the media. There are some that we like, of course, but there are also ones that we don't.

Am I turning into a bridezilla already?

Potential Conflicts (Probably Part One of Many)

2009-06-29T15:06:00.003-04:00

As you know, our marriage is going to be both interracial or interfaith. While we haven't come across any family members which have issues with us getting married (at least not publicly), we may have issues regarding the ceremony and traditions. My family, for example. They're from Hong Kong, and many seem to want me to have a more traditional Chinese wedding (don't they get it that many of the so-called "traditions" in Hong Kong weddings aren't all that tradtional? I mean, women in a bridal party in China several hundred years ago would NOT be teasing the groom and his groomsmen. I'm sorry, but passing candy with your mouth wouldn't have even been done in the 70s when my parents married), but I, having grown up in Canada want something more Anglo-Canadian. Not that I'm going to nix the tea ceremony or anything. It HAS to be done. Just not before the "official" ceremony, please.

Possible other issues will likely include registries, etc...

People who've married and those who're planning weddings: Have you had conflicts like this?

First Steps...

2009-06-27T14:56:00.000-04:00

I got engaged a couple of weeks ago. Actually, exactly two weeks ago, and now it's time to start planning. We don't have an excat date yet, but it looks like it's going to be August 2010. As for the type of wedding? Since we're an interfaith couple, we're opting for a civil ceremony to avoid any issues. This blog, which I'll try to update as often as possible, will discuss the planning process. The wedding is over a year away, so there'll be lots to talk about.

-Cynthia