On Chinese Wedding Traditions

I like criticizing and commenting on weddings. Sometimes, to the point that I think I should be on the show, Four Weddings. Of course, being on a reality show isn't my cup of tea. I want to be on television, but I also don't want do subject myself to anything that may be seen as embarassing. This is why I mostly stick to talking about other people's, either online or to friends and family. One topic I like to do the most is to criticize weddings from people with a similar cultural background.

Examples of Door Games at a Chinese Wedding

Chinese weddings (both in the west and in Asia) can range from outright modern-traditional (no one does traditional-traditional anymore. In fact, I don't think anyone has since the 1960s. It's just not politically correct in this day and age) to ones with very little cultural traditions. Usually, weddings which fall into the latter category are intercultural weddings. Some traditions can be very over the top, in my opinion. I mean, who really needs to have three or four dresses? Two (one white, western gown and one red, Chinese kwa) dresses are plenty. Besides, when you're paying four figures for a dress (as most wedding gowns are), don't you want to wear it longer? Door games can be a little crazy, too. Originally meant to quiz the groom on what he knows about the bride (meaning whether he truly cared for her or not), they have, for many, gone way, way OTT. I've seen some which would likely earn a PG-13/14A rating (or higher!!!) if it were a movie. It may be fun to make the boys perform unusual tasks, especially if it involves push ups, donning wigs or eating/drinking very spicey foods, but what if it's on the verge of embarassing? You're most likely being video taped, so what if it somehow ends up on YouTube? Reception are crazy, too. Seriously, folks, brides and grooms aren't 20 year old university students. Those games should have been left behind when one graduated.

Tea Ceremony

Two traditions I *DO* like, both which will be in my wedding, are the tea ceremony and table toasting. They are lovely traditions that are both very civilized. Though the origin of the ceremony is sad - in the old days, a girl officially leaves her family when she marries - it's a way to honour parents and other family members for raising you as well as bring together both families. Table toasting, where the bride, groom and sometimes, their parents and/or elder relatives go from table to table to toast guests and be toasted, is another tradition I am a fan of.

I know this post makes me sound stiff, but I like weddings to feel elegant, from start to finish. Some of the traditions, unfortunately, just aren't the case to me. Or at least, not the case anymore. I realize that some might see door games, for example, as a way to loosen up, but really, what would you do if it goes viral on YouTube? I honestly don't want to be the next crazy reality star. If I want to be on television, I want to get in the proper way.

Also posted in Prospere Magazine

Tea Ceremony - Yes or No?

In a more traditional, yet modern Chinese wedding, the bride serves tea to her parents prior to leaving their house to thank them for raising her. It is supposed to be intimate and is only done by the bride. Today, she does this alongside the groom - after the groom picks her up at her parents' home (and after her bridesmaids try to prevent the groom and groomsmen from coming in - unless they pay up!! Usually, this means requiring the a guy to do crazy things, such as walking with a dictionary on his head, etc...it can get a little ummm...adult at times, too). Tea is then served at the groom's home before heading to the legal ceremony. Jewellery and/or lai see (lucky money in red envelopes) are given to the couple by those who're getting tea (elder relatives such as parents, grandparents, older siblings (especially those already married). Now that I am getting married next year, the question is this: Do I even bother? I'm marrying someone outside of my culture and the tea ceremony isn't even something I'm 100% familiar with. I grew up here. Until I was in my 20s, I thought that in Canada, the tea ceremony was done after the legal ceremony, because the bride and groom weren't supposed to see each other. Little did I know that this "tradition" only applies in English-speaking cultures (so does wearing something old, borrowed or blue, but that's another issue). In any case, it's even more changing for the bride, since she'll be in white, then changing into a Chinese dress for the tea ceremony and back to her white dress to go to the reception, no?

I'm 99.9% sure I won't be changing clothes. It isn't something I really feel like doing, despite what my family is trying to encourage me to do. The dress I want isn't a big, poofy princess gown, meaning that I can sit, dance, etc wearing what I'm wearing. But back to the tea thing: Since I don't want to do it before the actual ceremony, I have three (maybe four) options:

1. Do it during at the rehearsal dinner - tea ceremonies are only suppposed to involve family, anyway

2. In between the legal ceremony and reception (i.e. during cocktails)

3. The day after - at brunch (if I decide to have one)

4. Not at all

What do you think?

Note: My parents are ok with me not doing it. However, they do think that I should "stick to tradition" and do it before the actual wedding. I have suggested the rehearsal, but they think the day before is a little "different" (what's wrong with "different?" I know a few people who are having (or had) opposite sex attendants (e.g. man of honour, best woman)!)

Note: This is also posted on Jook Sing Life

Potential Conflicts (Probably Part One of Many)

As you know, our marriage is going to be both interracial or interfaith. While we haven't come across any family members which have issues with us getting married (at least not publicly), we may have issues regarding the ceremony and traditions. My family, for example. They're from Hong Kong, and many seem to want me to have a more traditional Chinese wedding (don't they get it that many of the so-called "traditions" in Hong Kong weddings aren't all that tradtional? I mean, women in a bridal party in China several hundred years ago would NOT be teasing the groom and his groomsmen. I'm sorry, but passing candy with your mouth wouldn't have even been done in the 70s when my parents married), but I, having grown up in Canada want something more Anglo-Canadian. Not that I'm going to nix the tea ceremony or anything. It HAS to be done. Just not before the "official" ceremony, please.

Possible other issues will likely include registries, etc...

People who've married and those who're planning weddings: Have you had conflicts like this?