Even more music possibilities

Rigaudon by Andre Campras

The grand march from Aida is also a possibility, but is it a GOOD CHOICE? I mean, considering what happens in the story...

Things are coming along.....

So far, we've had the following booked:

• Venue
• Bridal Party
• My Dress!
• Cake
• Photographer (we've even had our engagement shoot)
• Videographer (see above)
• Rings
• Hotel for out-of-town guests
• Favours
• Officiant
• DJ
• Invitations
• Musicians for the ceremony

What we still need to do:

• Linens (well, chair covers)
• Licence (can't get it until the end of May/early June as they're only valid for 90 days)
• Flowers
• My shoes
• My headpiece
• Make-up/hair people
• Menu for reception
• Rehearsal dinner venue

and probably a few more things I've left out!

Tradition! Tradition! (Part One)

People have been asking me whether I'm going to have more than one dress - it is, after all, modern Chinese tradition to change at least once (most brides of Chinese descent I know wear white for the ceremony, change to a red one mid-way through the reception and end the evening in an evening gown). I don't know when this tradition started, but it's been around for at least a few decades - my mom and dad married in the 1970s and she changed. There are others who have asked me why I'm bothering to wear white at all, since it is a colour of mourning in many eastern traditions.

It's interesting who these people are - mostly are older people, who don't have much exposure to Chinese culture, beyond books and PBS documentaries. They're often overtly politically correct and abhor the fact that you are eroding your "own" culture by "adapting" what's around you, even if it's the culture you've grown up with OR something that even your parents did. I have also experienced this with people who're immigrants themselves, or sometimes, even KIDS OF IMMIGRANTS (a little odd, IMHO). When you tell them, there's a confused look on their face (this is a true story: A woman who worked in an admin position at my grad school told me how "sad" she was when she saw a bride of Asian descent wear white. She was like "I hope you don't do that." WTF? I repeat, WTF???!!!!!!

Anyway, back to the dress thing. I'm just not going to bother to change. I don't want to haul several outfits with me, since it's so much to take along. In any case, it's a wedding, not a fashion show. If I *WERE* to change, it'll only be one outfit - to a Chinese gown. I don't want to make a big spectacle out of clothing. It's just not my cup of tea.

Music, Music, Music!

I've been thinking about music for the wedding. I am definitely looking at classical for the ceremony. But which pieces should we go for? One thing we AREN'T going to use is Wagner's "Bridal Chorus". Not only is it considered inappropriate in by both Catholics and Jews (though for different reasons. Catholics do not like the piece because not only because it is secular (from an opera) and has pagan roots, but because the marriage of two of the characters, Elsa and Lohengrin is doomed from the start. Jews do not play the "Bridal Chorus" because of Wagner's supposed anti-semetic beliefs. In any case, the "Bridal Chorus" kind of overdone and a little cheesy in my opinion.

Currently, my two favourites for the procession are Mouret's Rondeau (aka theme from Masterpiece Theatre) and Purcell Trumpet Tune. What do you think works best?



(Mouret's Rondeau)



Purcell's Trumpet Tune

Venue Issues...

Places here book up really, really quickly! I'm looking for alternative ceremony spaces (we have pretty much decided on where we're going to have the dinner, but we aren't 100% on ) and many spots are gone. Other spots won't allow you to have a ceremony only (they have a food minimum). Because we are interfaith, we are very limited in where we can book for a ceremony unless we do it in City Hall. We would prefer a place which has a good indoor alternative - hey, what if it rains, right? We can't predict the weather a year in advance!

Photographers....so expensive!!!

Boy, they're expensive! I've checked out a bunch of places online, and they tend to range in the high 1000s to mid-2000s. Some of my friends had photographers which were pricier - up to $6K or more! I'm not sure if we really need to spend that much....do we? Are all those extras (parents' albums, fancy-schmancy albums for the couple, themes, etc...) really worth it? If you've been married, did the photographer/studio try to get you to upgrade your package?

We haven't begun our official search yet. Right now, we're just compiling information. If you know of any good photographers who don't charge an arm and a leg in the Toronto area, feel free to let us know.

NOTE: In some cultures, couples go into studios for a portrait sitting, often decked in full wedding gear. The issue with this is that the bride isn't wearing her "real" dress most of the time, since these sittings can occur a month prior to the actual ceremony. In additon, there's the extra price for make-up and hair. Is there a point to that? Doesn't that drive up the cost of photography?

More Culture Clashes

My parents have told me that if some people are invited, we have to invite their whole family, adult children included. The adult children don't get their own invite not because we're trying to save trees, but because it's what you're "supposed to do" in Chinese culture (these people aren't considered full adults until they're officially out of the house (i.e. married...an exception MIGHT be made if said "kidult" moved to the other side of the country/continent/other part of the world because they're so far away). To send a second invite to adult children means that you're expecting another gift. They don't even think that we need to put the kidults' names on the invitation (I am ok with sending one invite per household, of course, but I am NOT ok with not including names of the kids, whether they're of age or NOT, unless I don't know the kids' names. It's as if the kids aren't "real people" if their names weren't included.) I think my parents really should have stuck with the "green" thing because they SHOULD know that I won't necessarily"get" it. Not all first generation Canadian-born kids are going to fully understand ALL old country customs. I think immigrant parents sometimes forget that. Actually, a lot of people forget that, including the media. There are some that we like, of course, but there are also ones that we don't.

Am I turning into a bridezilla already?

Potential Conflicts (Probably Part One of Many)

As you know, our marriage is going to be both interracial or interfaith. While we haven't come across any family members which have issues with us getting married (at least not publicly), we may have issues regarding the ceremony and traditions. My family, for example. They're from Hong Kong, and many seem to want me to have a more traditional Chinese wedding (don't they get it that many of the so-called "traditions" in Hong Kong weddings aren't all that tradtional? I mean, women in a bridal party in China several hundred years ago would NOT be teasing the groom and his groomsmen. I'm sorry, but passing candy with your mouth wouldn't have even been done in the 70s when my parents married), but I, having grown up in Canada want something more Anglo-Canadian. Not that I'm going to nix the tea ceremony or anything. It HAS to be done. Just not before the "official" ceremony, please.

Possible other issues will likely include registries, etc...

People who've married and those who're planning weddings: Have you had conflicts like this?

First Steps...

I got engaged a couple of weeks ago. Actually, exactly two weeks ago, and now it's time to start planning. We don't have an excat date yet, but it looks like it's going to be August 2010. As for the type of wedding? Since we're an interfaith couple, we're opting for a civil ceremony to avoid any issues. This blog, which I'll try to update as often as possible, will discuss the planning process. The wedding is over a year away, so there'll be lots to talk about.

-Cynthia