Proper in One Culture but not the Other...

What do you do in this case? As you readers probaly know, I was raised/exposed primarily to western culture, especially when it comes to manners. I only recently found out that some things I was taught (in an Emily Post sort of way) was actually considered rude in traditional Chinese culture - especially with the elderly. For example, I was told, literally just two days ago, that it was improper to address invitations sent to my grandparents as Mr. and Mrs. It HAS to go to "Grandfather" or "Grandmother." I was taught that something like this goes into an inner envelope, if I have one (and I don't). The outer envelope, the one that the post office sees, should be Mr. and/or Mrs. or Ms. What should I do? Any advice?

It's interesting that many non-Chinese multiculturalists expect people like me to know all about Chinese etiquette. I do not. In fact, most Jook Sings do not.

When is 'cream' too white?

Is this white or cream?

Honestly, I sometimes wish my parents tell me what proper modern Chinese wedding etiquette is. It's not really something I bother Googling, because I assume that my parents are okay with my overwhelmingly westernized upbringing and rules. And then, lo and behold, they, at last minute (or sometimes even much, much later), tell me that something is a faux pas. Take flowers for example. I'm apparently not allowed to have white flowers, because that's what's used in Chinese funerals (but a white dress is allowed. In fact, a western wedding gown is EXPECTED. And mine is white-white. Not cream. Not off-white. Not champagne. The cake frosting is expected to be white, also.) Fine. Let's go with cream. However, when does white become cream? Is the picture above cream or white? My bridesmaids are supposed to be the opposite of me - purple dresses with a predominantly cream bouquet (even if white were "allowed," it would be too harsh for their purple, anyway), while I have a predominantly purple bouquet. I don't want to ruin my colour scheme and don't want the "cream" flowers to be too-too yellow/peach, either.

Any suggestions?

More Culture Clashes

My parents have told me that if some people are invited, we have to invite their whole family, adult children included. The adult children don't get their own invite not because we're trying to save trees, but because it's what you're "supposed to do" in Chinese culture (these people aren't considered full adults until they're officially out of the house (i.e. married...an exception MIGHT be made if said "kidult" moved to the other side of the country/continent/other part of the world because they're so far away). To send a second invite to adult children means that you're expecting another gift. They don't even think that we need to put the kidults' names on the invitation (I am ok with sending one invite per household, of course, but I am NOT ok with not including names of the kids, whether they're of age or NOT, unless I don't know the kids' names. It's as if the kids aren't "real people" if their names weren't included.) I think my parents really should have stuck with the "green" thing because they SHOULD know that I won't necessarily"get" it. Not all first generation Canadian-born kids are going to fully understand ALL old country customs. I think immigrant parents sometimes forget that. Actually, a lot of people forget that, including the media. There are some that we like, of course, but there are also ones that we don't.

Am I turning into a bridezilla already?