Half the RSVPs are in, but....

...what bugs me the most are those who call and say that they're going to come without either RSVPing on our website or sending in their response card.  Personally, I don't consider verbal confirmations official.  As we have meal choices, paper or electronic confirmation is very important.  What bugs me even more are third party confirmations - when someone tells me that another invitee is coming, without the actual invitee contacting us directly.  I won't mark down anyone as officially coming unless they contact me themselves.  However, regrets through third party contacts are acceptable (though not ideal).

I realize that some of this might be cultural - I've had more RSVP issues on my side than from my fiance's.  It *IS* tough to be the first generation born in Canada.  Even if your parents and close relatives get you, it doesn't mean that more distant relatives do - especially if they don't live here.  They'll just continue to do things they consider is proper etiquette.

Wedding Gown and What We've Had Done So Far

Well, ladies and gentlemen, in case you haven't heard, I HAVE MY DRESS! I can't show you any pictures until after the ceremony, but I CAN tell you that it is GORGEOUS and very versatile - something which I was looking for at the beginning anyway. I don't want a princess ball gown - not only is it inappropriate for an outdoor ceremony, but such a dress will be overwhelming on a petite figure. I should be going to my first fitting in about five months.

So far, we have the following done:

• My wedding gown
• Decided on bridal party
• DJ
• Officiant
• Venue (catering included)
• Photographer
• Videographer
• Guest List

What we *STILL* need to do:

• Invitations (we are not sending out traditional Save the Dates on snail mail. We have either told people via word-of-mouth or e-mail)
• Ceremony musicians
• Cake
• Flowers
• Bridal Party attire
• Groom's tux
• Licence (this is done two or three months before the wedding date)
• Rehearsal dinner catering
• Favours
• Gifts for bridal party
• Hair/Make-up
• Linens (the venue does not provide chair covers)
• Hotel for out-of-town guests

We've already met with a few invitation places (prices really range - generally from anywhere between $3 Canadian/invite to over $12!! Some places include set-up and assembly charges, others do not) and are very close to making our decision. We have also spoken with cake shops. If anyone has suggestions for cakes, let me know! We need a place offers a delivery service.

Tea Ceremony - Yes or No?

In a more traditional, yet modern Chinese wedding, the bride serves tea to her parents prior to leaving their house to thank them for raising her. It is supposed to be intimate and is only done by the bride. Today, she does this alongside the groom - after the groom picks her up at her parents' home (and after her bridesmaids try to prevent the groom and groomsmen from coming in - unless they pay up!! Usually, this means requiring the a guy to do crazy things, such as walking with a dictionary on his head, etc...it can get a little ummm...adult at times, too). Tea is then served at the groom's home before heading to the legal ceremony. Jewellery and/or lai see (lucky money in red envelopes) are given to the couple by those who're getting tea (elder relatives such as parents, grandparents, older siblings (especially those already married). Now that I am getting married next year, the question is this: Do I even bother? I'm marrying someone outside of my culture and the tea ceremony isn't even something I'm 100% familiar with. I grew up here. Until I was in my 20s, I thought that in Canada, the tea ceremony was done after the legal ceremony, because the bride and groom weren't supposed to see each other. Little did I know that this "tradition" only applies in English-speaking cultures (so does wearing something old, borrowed or blue, but that's another issue). In any case, it's even more changing for the bride, since she'll be in white, then changing into a Chinese dress for the tea ceremony and back to her white dress to go to the reception, no?

I'm 99.9% sure I won't be changing clothes. It isn't something I really feel like doing, despite what my family is trying to encourage me to do. The dress I want isn't a big, poofy princess gown, meaning that I can sit, dance, etc wearing what I'm wearing. But back to the tea thing: Since I don't want to do it before the actual ceremony, I have three (maybe four) options:

1. Do it during at the rehearsal dinner - tea ceremonies are only suppposed to involve family, anyway

2. In between the legal ceremony and reception (i.e. during cocktails)

3. The day after - at brunch (if I decide to have one)

4. Not at all

What do you think?

Note: My parents are ok with me not doing it. However, they do think that I should "stick to tradition" and do it before the actual wedding. I have suggested the rehearsal, but they think the day before is a little "different" (what's wrong with "different?" I know a few people who are having (or had) opposite sex attendants (e.g. man of honour, best woman)!)

Note: This is also posted on Jook Sing Life

Setting Dates, Superstitions and All That Jazz

I don't consider myself superstitious, but for some reason, I felt that it was important that we had a "good day" for our wedding. In fact, I even asked my parents to talk to my grandmother in Hong Kong to see if she could find out what the best days were next year. There's a book, something similar to the Farmer's Almanac, which "determines" what days are good. It isn't just for weddings, but also for grand openings/launches as well.

I did some research myself, online, as well. The 2010 edition wasn't available when we contacted my grandmother, but there were numerous websites which also did the job. I actually consulted three sites, in case they were going to say something different - you never know, right? We had two dates in mind at the time, and all three of them said that one of the chosen dates was considered excellent. The other date, however, ranged from being "so-so" to downright awful. So guess which day we decided to go for?

Some people go into a lot of detail to choose dates, using not just birthdates of the bride and the groom, but also the exact hour and time zone! That's a little too much, I think.

Tradition! Tradition! (Part One)

People have been asking me whether I'm going to have more than one dress - it is, after all, modern Chinese tradition to change at least once (most brides of Chinese descent I know wear white for the ceremony, change to a red one mid-way through the reception and end the evening in an evening gown). I don't know when this tradition started, but it's been around for at least a few decades - my mom and dad married in the 1970s and she changed. There are others who have asked me why I'm bothering to wear white at all, since it is a colour of mourning in many eastern traditions.

It's interesting who these people are - mostly are older people, who don't have much exposure to Chinese culture, beyond books and PBS documentaries. They're often overtly politically correct and abhor the fact that you are eroding your "own" culture by "adapting" what's around you, even if it's the culture you've grown up with OR something that even your parents did. I have also experienced this with people who're immigrants themselves, or sometimes, even KIDS OF IMMIGRANTS (a little odd, IMHO). When you tell them, there's a confused look on their face (this is a true story: A woman who worked in an admin position at my grad school told me how "sad" she was when she saw a bride of Asian descent wear white. She was like "I hope you don't do that." WTF? I repeat, WTF???!!!!!!

Anyway, back to the dress thing. I'm just not going to bother to change. I don't want to haul several outfits with me, since it's so much to take along. In any case, it's a wedding, not a fashion show. If I *WERE* to change, it'll only be one outfit - to a Chinese gown. I don't want to make a big spectacle out of clothing. It's just not my cup of tea.