Update...

A short update here....I'm on vacation...in Hong Kong....we've just about signed our musicians (still need to officially pay deposit and sign a contract), so we're really on our way.....more later.....

Cake!

Guess what? We have placed a deposit for our cake. It's going to be three tiers with the bottom tier being chocolate and the remaining two being vanilla and strawberry. What's next? I've started looking at hair/make-up artists. Make-up artists aren't that easy to find - they're like videographers. There are a lot in Toronto, but many don't have the best portfolios - especially those who're affordable. The ones who're good don't always have the most affordable prices. I want to be able to get a good package for me as well as my bridesmaids!

I've also started to call around for linens. We're looking for chaircovers only as the venue provides table clothes and napkins. Our colours are violet with a bit of lilac and honeydew green and I'm not sure if I should go all white (table clothes will be white) or white with a violet ribbon. What do you guys think?

What is WRONG with people? Groom updates Facebook status DURING HIS OWN WEDDING!

See why people need to get polished?

I am definitely going to be muting my Blackberry during MY wedding!

Wedding Cake Sizes and Servings

The fiance and I are at a loss. We aren't sure exactly what size of cake we should be ordering. We're expecting about 150 people at the wedding and will be serving cake in addition to a dessert course and sweets table. Since the cake won't be part of the dessert course, we don't need to get cake for 150 people - 100ish will be sufficient. However, different pastry shops are telling us that we need different sizes. Shop A recommends a cake 9" x 12" x 16" in diameter, while Shop B recommends 6" x 9"x 12". According to Shop A, a cake Shop B's size only feeds 60-70ish. I realize that some places don't include the top tier - some regions have a tradition where the couple keeps that tier. Usually, they freeze it and eat it on their first anniversary (some do it after their first child is born).

What do you think? What are your suggestions?

Wedding Gown and What We've Had Done So Far

Well, ladies and gentlemen, in case you haven't heard, I HAVE MY DRESS! I can't show you any pictures until after the ceremony, but I CAN tell you that it is GORGEOUS and very versatile - something which I was looking for at the beginning anyway. I don't want a princess ball gown - not only is it inappropriate for an outdoor ceremony, but such a dress will be overwhelming on a petite figure. I should be going to my first fitting in about five months.

So far, we have the following done:

• My wedding gown
• Decided on bridal party
• DJ
• Officiant
• Venue (catering included)
• Photographer
• Videographer
• Guest List

What we *STILL* need to do:

• Invitations (we are not sending out traditional Save the Dates on snail mail. We have either told people via word-of-mouth or e-mail)
• Ceremony musicians
• Cake
• Flowers
• Bridal Party attire
• Groom's tux
• Licence (this is done two or three months before the wedding date)
• Rehearsal dinner catering
• Favours
• Gifts for bridal party
• Hair/Make-up
• Linens (the venue does not provide chair covers)
• Hotel for out-of-town guests

We've already met with a few invitation places (prices really range - generally from anywhere between $3 Canadian/invite to over $12!! Some places include set-up and assembly charges, others do not) and are very close to making our decision. We have also spoken with cake shops. If anyone has suggestions for cakes, let me know! We need a place offers a delivery service.

From the Dessy site.......

What do you guys think so far? Any colour changes?

Tea Ceremony - Yes or No?

In a more traditional, yet modern Chinese wedding, the bride serves tea to her parents prior to leaving their house to thank them for raising her. It is supposed to be intimate and is only done by the bride. Today, she does this alongside the groom - after the groom picks her up at her parents' home (and after her bridesmaids try to prevent the groom and groomsmen from coming in - unless they pay up!! Usually, this means requiring the a guy to do crazy things, such as walking with a dictionary on his head, etc...it can get a little ummm...adult at times, too). Tea is then served at the groom's home before heading to the legal ceremony. Jewellery and/or lai see (lucky money in red envelopes) are given to the couple by those who're getting tea (elder relatives such as parents, grandparents, older siblings (especially those already married). Now that I am getting married next year, the question is this: Do I even bother? I'm marrying someone outside of my culture and the tea ceremony isn't even something I'm 100% familiar with. I grew up here. Until I was in my 20s, I thought that in Canada, the tea ceremony was done after the legal ceremony, because the bride and groom weren't supposed to see each other. Little did I know that this "tradition" only applies in English-speaking cultures (so does wearing something old, borrowed or blue, but that's another issue). In any case, it's even more changing for the bride, since she'll be in white, then changing into a Chinese dress for the tea ceremony and back to her white dress to go to the reception, no?

I'm 99.9% sure I won't be changing clothes. It isn't something I really feel like doing, despite what my family is trying to encourage me to do. The dress I want isn't a big, poofy princess gown, meaning that I can sit, dance, etc wearing what I'm wearing. But back to the tea thing: Since I don't want to do it before the actual ceremony, I have three (maybe four) options:

1. Do it during at the rehearsal dinner - tea ceremonies are only suppposed to involve family, anyway

2. In between the legal ceremony and reception (i.e. during cocktails)

3. The day after - at brunch (if I decide to have one)

4. Not at all

What do you think?

Note: My parents are ok with me not doing it. However, they do think that I should "stick to tradition" and do it before the actual wedding. I have suggested the rehearsal, but they think the day before is a little "different" (what's wrong with "different?" I know a few people who are having (or had) opposite sex attendants (e.g. man of honour, best woman)!)

Note: This is also posted on Jook Sing Life

More Music Possibilities

Ode to Joy w/violin and guitar. Not really my style in this case (first part too slow, second part too fast), but it's something I'm considering. Eine kliene nachtmusik isn't that bad with vioin/guitar either (though it'll sound better with TWO violins and a guitar).

Do you think Ode to Joy borders on being too "religious"?

First Dress Appointments!

I went to my first two appointments today! You wouldn't believe how many poofy dresses bridal salons have. They were all so heavy, too. Definitely something I'm not going to consider. Despite not wanting anything strapless, I did try a few and may actually consider them (though they're still not on the top of my list). I've also figured out a silhouette that I like - think slinky, old Hollywood. The lighter the material, the better, too.

Stay tuned for more updates on dresses and so forth!

More on dresses...

Well, I've started to look for gowns. I'm *STILL* not going for strapless and am not looking at anything to princessy/ball gown either. After all, it's an outdoor wedding. You don't want to look inappropriate. Since it's going to be outside, I want a more "chill" atmosphere, while at the same time, remain formal-ish. I don't know what to call it. It's not quite black tie optional and it's not "semi-formal" either. I guess it's going to be somewhere in between. Is there such a thing? Since it's not semi-formal or casual, the dress will definitely be long. Whether it's just going to touch the ground or have a short train remains to be decided - after I try things on. I'm also not sure if I'm going to have a veil. Again, we'll have to see!

Stay tuned!

Bridal Shows!

My fiance and I will be going to a bridal show in a couple of weeks. Though we already have our photographer and videographer, we're hoping to scout out other vendors there. What we're still looking for are:

- Cake
- Flowers
- DJ
- Linens (the venue will provide table clothes, but not chair covers)
- Attire
- Musicians (we want live music for the ceremony)
- Printers (for invitations)


....and probably a few things I have forgotten.

Suggestions are most definitely welcome :)

Band or DJ?

Yesterday, my fiance asked me whether we'd like a DJ or a live band. I'm still kind of undecided. There are good and bad points for either - a live band can be really good if they are talented. And people like live entertainment. On the other hand, good bands are very, very difficult to find. And if they're not used to a certain kind of music, they're going to have to learn it. On the other hand, a DJ has a collection of music that he/she plays. If you're interested in playing music that might not normally be played at weddings, you can always hand the DJ a playlist before hand so he/she can get the music.

Of course, there are bad DJs as well. And selecting one probably isn't as easy as looking at photographers or videographers. DJs don't really have portfolios. The only way to really hear a DJ "perform" is to actually attend events. This isn't something that most people have the time to do!

Space is another issue - our venue isn't that big, so having a live band means that they have to be small - maybe three instruments and a singer. DJs take up less room - all they need is a table for their equipment.

What do you think? DJ or band?

Dresses.....

(NOT a dress the poster will be getting)

I have not started to look for my dress yet. I mean, I've looked around various wedding websites for styles I like, but I have not booked an appointment with any store to try dresses on. I have a rough idea of what I want. I don't want a strapless dress, since every that seems to be what every single bride has been wearing for the past ten years. I am definitely getting at least some straps, no matter what other brides have been telling me (every girl who has married has said that I'll change my mind about going strap - I am out to prove them wrong). I don't want to be the bride who is constasntly pulling on her gown (this can happen, even with good lingerie and alterations) I also want to be different. In addition to strapless, it's also not going to be a princess-like ball gown. I'm approximately 5'2" and less than 100 lb. There's NO WAY dresses like that will work on me! Or, do you think I'll end up going strapless like everyone else?

Setting Dates, Superstitions and All That Jazz

I don't consider myself superstitious, but for some reason, I felt that it was important that we had a "good day" for our wedding. In fact, I even asked my parents to talk to my grandmother in Hong Kong to see if she could find out what the best days were next year. There's a book, something similar to the Farmer's Almanac, which "determines" what days are good. It isn't just for weddings, but also for grand openings/launches as well.

I did some research myself, online, as well. The 2010 edition wasn't available when we contacted my grandmother, but there were numerous websites which also did the job. I actually consulted three sites, in case they were going to say something different - you never know, right? We had two dates in mind at the time, and all three of them said that one of the chosen dates was considered excellent. The other date, however, ranged from being "so-so" to downright awful. So guess which day we decided to go for?

Some people go into a lot of detail to choose dates, using not just birthdates of the bride and the groom, but also the exact hour and time zone! That's a little too much, I think.

Tradition! Tradition! (Part One)

People have been asking me whether I'm going to have more than one dress - it is, after all, modern Chinese tradition to change at least once (most brides of Chinese descent I know wear white for the ceremony, change to a red one mid-way through the reception and end the evening in an evening gown). I don't know when this tradition started, but it's been around for at least a few decades - my mom and dad married in the 1970s and she changed. There are others who have asked me why I'm bothering to wear white at all, since it is a colour of mourning in many eastern traditions.

It's interesting who these people are - mostly are older people, who don't have much exposure to Chinese culture, beyond books and PBS documentaries. They're often overtly politically correct and abhor the fact that you are eroding your "own" culture by "adapting" what's around you, even if it's the culture you've grown up with OR something that even your parents did. I have also experienced this with people who're immigrants themselves, or sometimes, even KIDS OF IMMIGRANTS (a little odd, IMHO). When you tell them, there's a confused look on their face (this is a true story: A woman who worked in an admin position at my grad school told me how "sad" she was when she saw a bride of Asian descent wear white. She was like "I hope you don't do that." WTF? I repeat, WTF???!!!!!!

Anyway, back to the dress thing. I'm just not going to bother to change. I don't want to haul several outfits with me, since it's so much to take along. In any case, it's a wedding, not a fashion show. If I *WERE* to change, it'll only be one outfit - to a Chinese gown. I don't want to make a big spectacle out of clothing. It's just not my cup of tea.

Venue & Photographer Chosen...Now Next Steps

We've finally decided on a photographer! So now that we've signed with him, the next steps are to look for other wedding-related services. We've interviewed with videographers, but haven't come to a decision yet. Like photography, we don't want straight-out, boring DVDs. If we wanted that, we could just ask someone who has a video camera to do it for us! And likely for free, too. Does anyone have suggestions as to what to look for in a videographer? We know that questions to ask include hours of coverage, number of copies we get (we are hoping for three. One for us, and one for each set of parents), editing, price, etc...

Other things we need to do: Cake, Flowers, Officiant, Favours and of course GOWN!

Music, Music, Music!

I've been thinking about music for the wedding. I am definitely looking at classical for the ceremony. But which pieces should we go for? One thing we AREN'T going to use is Wagner's "Bridal Chorus". Not only is it considered inappropriate in by both Catholics and Jews (though for different reasons. Catholics do not like the piece because not only because it is secular (from an opera) and has pagan roots, but because the marriage of two of the characters, Elsa and Lohengrin is doomed from the start. Jews do not play the "Bridal Chorus" because of Wagner's supposed anti-semetic beliefs. In any case, the "Bridal Chorus" kind of overdone and a little cheesy in my opinion.

Currently, my two favourites for the procession are Mouret's Rondeau (aka theme from Masterpiece Theatre) and Purcell Trumpet Tune. What do you think works best?



(Mouret's Rondeau)



Purcell's Trumpet Tune

The Photographer Hunt Continues!

I can't believe that it takes so much work to find a photographer! We've interviewed three so far, yet we still aren't even close to coming to a decision. It's really hard! It isn't just about the price of the photographer, but what the packages offer. These days, it means that the photographer SHOULD offer a lo-res CD or DVD in their most basic package for clients to email/post on social networking sites like Facebook (most I've come across do).

It isn't just about the package. The photos have to be really, really good. In fact, they have to be absolutely PERFECT in your eyes - this, along with your video, should you have one, will record the most important day of your life. If you want something more editorial or artistic, don't find someone whose portfolio is made up of boring, pos-y pictures. You also want a photographer who "fits well" at your venue. If you're getting married at a country club or say, the Four Seasons, you don't want a photographer who is covered with piercings and/or tattoos. 1980s heavy metal band shirts and ski hats are also inappropriate. The photographer should look professional. Concert Ts and ski hats are NOT. Nor are shorts - my fiance's sister married last year, and the photographer showed up looking like he was working on his yard rather than taking pictures at a wedding.

Anyway, I hope we're going to be able to decide on a photographer soon. The wedding is only 13 months away!

Venue Stuff and Next Steps...

...so it looks like we're going to be doing the ceremony and the reception/dinner at the same place after all. We will be officially booking next week after we meet with his parents and get their official ok. The next step is to book a photographer. We've found a few places which we liked, and have booked a couple of appointments. We're most likely going to meet with three to five people and make our decision from there.

Venue Issues...

Places here book up really, really quickly! I'm looking for alternative ceremony spaces (we have pretty much decided on where we're going to have the dinner, but we aren't 100% on ) and many spots are gone. Other spots won't allow you to have a ceremony only (they have a food minimum). Because we are interfaith, we are very limited in where we can book for a ceremony unless we do it in City Hall. We would prefer a place which has a good indoor alternative - hey, what if it rains, right? We can't predict the weather a year in advance!

Photographers....so expensive!!!

Boy, they're expensive! I've checked out a bunch of places online, and they tend to range in the high 1000s to mid-2000s. Some of my friends had photographers which were pricier - up to $6K or more! I'm not sure if we really need to spend that much....do we? Are all those extras (parents' albums, fancy-schmancy albums for the couple, themes, etc...) really worth it? If you've been married, did the photographer/studio try to get you to upgrade your package?

We haven't begun our official search yet. Right now, we're just compiling information. If you know of any good photographers who don't charge an arm and a leg in the Toronto area, feel free to let us know.

NOTE: In some cultures, couples go into studios for a portrait sitting, often decked in full wedding gear. The issue with this is that the bride isn't wearing her "real" dress most of the time, since these sittings can occur a month prior to the actual ceremony. In additon, there's the extra price for make-up and hair. Is there a point to that? Doesn't that drive up the cost of photography?

More Culture Clashes

My parents have told me that if some people are invited, we have to invite their whole family, adult children included. The adult children don't get their own invite not because we're trying to save trees, but because it's what you're "supposed to do" in Chinese culture (these people aren't considered full adults until they're officially out of the house (i.e. married...an exception MIGHT be made if said "kidult" moved to the other side of the country/continent/other part of the world because they're so far away). To send a second invite to adult children means that you're expecting another gift. They don't even think that we need to put the kidults' names on the invitation (I am ok with sending one invite per household, of course, but I am NOT ok with not including names of the kids, whether they're of age or NOT, unless I don't know the kids' names. It's as if the kids aren't "real people" if their names weren't included.) I think my parents really should have stuck with the "green" thing because they SHOULD know that I won't necessarily"get" it. Not all first generation Canadian-born kids are going to fully understand ALL old country customs. I think immigrant parents sometimes forget that. Actually, a lot of people forget that, including the media. There are some that we like, of course, but there are also ones that we don't.

Am I turning into a bridezilla already?

Potential Conflicts (Probably Part One of Many)

As you know, our marriage is going to be both interracial or interfaith. While we haven't come across any family members which have issues with us getting married (at least not publicly), we may have issues regarding the ceremony and traditions. My family, for example. They're from Hong Kong, and many seem to want me to have a more traditional Chinese wedding (don't they get it that many of the so-called "traditions" in Hong Kong weddings aren't all that tradtional? I mean, women in a bridal party in China several hundred years ago would NOT be teasing the groom and his groomsmen. I'm sorry, but passing candy with your mouth wouldn't have even been done in the 70s when my parents married), but I, having grown up in Canada want something more Anglo-Canadian. Not that I'm going to nix the tea ceremony or anything. It HAS to be done. Just not before the "official" ceremony, please.

Possible other issues will likely include registries, etc...

People who've married and those who're planning weddings: Have you had conflicts like this?

First Steps...

I got engaged a couple of weeks ago. Actually, exactly two weeks ago, and now it's time to start planning. We don't have an excat date yet, but it looks like it's going to be August 2010. As for the type of wedding? Since we're an interfaith couple, we're opting for a civil ceremony to avoid any issues. This blog, which I'll try to update as often as possible, will discuss the planning process. The wedding is over a year away, so there'll be lots to talk about.

-Cynthia