House of Hsueh Clutches: Great Accessories, Great Gifts

One thing that many brides are thinking about is what to get their bridesmaids as a thank you gift. For me, the choice was pretty easy. The first thing I thought of were House of Hsueh bags. Hand-made by Toronto-based designer, Benita Hsueh, they are very versatile and can be used as small purses or as make-up bags. They come in different styles - clutches (two sizes) and circle bags with handles and are available in many different styles. In addition to bags, House of Hsueh has also produced jewellery, such as earrings and brooches. All pieces are as enviromentally conscious and yes, unique.

The bags are currently available for sale at stores such as The Fashion District, Distill Gallery and With Love Gifts. Bags are also available for custom order. Price, on average, is around $40-50.

This was also posted in Prospere Magazine

OMG! It's WEDDING WEEK!!!

In less than a week, I'll be married!  Yes, that's right.  My wedding is THIS SATURDAY.  Everything is pretty much done.  I just have to chill for the next few days and, of course, pray for good weather!

I'll post pictures soon.

C

It's coming up!!!!

So my dress has been picked up (nope, no pics until AFTER the ceremony), the cake and flower deposits paid and things are pretty much set to go. Just a little over 2 weeks until the BIG DAY!  One little frustration I have is that we still don't have an official DJ assignment.  I have spoken with the DJ company and they have a rough idea of who they're going to assign to us, but I'll have to bug them again this week to see if there are any updates.  We also need to confirm our table arrangements with the venue (will send them an email later this week/early next).  Geez, lots to do!

Groom's Procession!!

So we are not going to have a conventional procession. We are going to be mixing up some traditions from both sides and then adding some personal touches. Most likely, my fiance will be walked down the aisle by his parents to Edward Elgar's Salut D'Amour:



The bridal party, starting with the Best Man and ending with the Flower Girl will walk to Bach's Arioso:



And my parents will walk me down to:



What do you think??

The Registry

There are both good and bad points about the registry our registry.  The good?  It allows for international billing addresses - both my fiance and I have tons of guests from outside Canada (US-based stores with Canadian locations don't allow for billing addresses outside Canada, so registring at places like Williams-Sonoma, Crate and Barrel or Bed, Bath and Beyond were out for us.  If Americans wanted to make purchases, they'd have to call in).   The bad?  There are sooooo many.  The first is that you don't get to see what the product is.  When you type in our names, you just get a list.  You then click on a button next to the product and type in the number you want to purchase.  There are NO pictures.  Does the store not realize that it's 2010?  Still, though, it's the biggest registry in Canada.  I don't get why they don't make any improvements.  Surely, people have complained!  The interface is seriously from like 1992 or something.  I realize that they don't have e-commerce, but STILL! 

Another issue is how they don't always notify you that something has been purchased.  I spoke with the store, and they said that this usually means that someone bought it at the store and took it home.  Not true.  When I went to the store to pick up some of the gifts (another problem - most other stores will SEND the gift to your house.  Not this place - you HAVE TO PICK UP!!  Totally WTF, no?), a rep said that they were purchased online.  So why wasn't I getting any e-mails?  I only found out who gave me the gift from a handwritten list at the store.  Again, WTF??!!

This store, a NATIONAL CHAIN, really needs to step up and enter the 21st century.  They have good products, just not a good website. 

Less than SEVEN WEEKS!!!

It's getting close!  Less than two months!  We've finally decided on the music:

Bridesmaids' Procession: J.S. Bach's Arioso



Bride's procession: Andre Campra's Rigaudon



Recession: W.A. Mozart's Eine Klein Nachtmusik - Allegro

Second Dress or Not?

I'm seriously debating whether to get a second dress to wear at the reception (after the first dance and all).  I hadn't originally planned on changing - it's tradition in modern Chinese weddings for the bride to have up to five dresses - but the more I think about it, the more I think that I should have a party dress for dancing later on in the evening, something easier to move around in.  There are plenty of affordable white dresses on J.Crew's website...

What do you think?

Accomodating Kids

There are a handful of kids under 12 coming to the wedding. All are children of relatives or very close friends. Because our meal choices are decidedly grown-up (steak, salmon or risotto), we have a special menu for the young ones. It's interesting kind of choices are available - burgers, chicken fingers, hot dogs, pizza and pasta. Kid friendly, but not all that healthy, either.

For us, it was pretty easy to decide on the kids' choice - pasta.  We decided on that because of the varying ages of the kids.  The youngest who'll be eating a regular meal is two, while the oldest is five.  Pasta is something that a very young child would eat.  Also, the pasta is more "grown-up" than the other choices!

Half the RSVPs are in, but....

...what bugs me the most are those who call and say that they're going to come without either RSVPing on our website or sending in their response card.  Personally, I don't consider verbal confirmations official.  As we have meal choices, paper or electronic confirmation is very important.  What bugs me even more are third party confirmations - when someone tells me that another invitee is coming, without the actual invitee contacting us directly.  I won't mark down anyone as officially coming unless they contact me themselves.  However, regrets through third party contacts are acceptable (though not ideal).

I realize that some of this might be cultural - I've had more RSVP issues on my side than from my fiance's.  It *IS* tough to be the first generation born in Canada.  Even if your parents and close relatives get you, it doesn't mean that more distant relatives do - especially if they don't live here.  They'll just continue to do things they consider is proper etiquette.

On Chinese Wedding Traditions

I like criticizing and commenting on weddings. Sometimes, to the point that I think I should be on the show, Four Weddings. Of course, being on a reality show isn't my cup of tea. I want to be on television, but I also don't want do subject myself to anything that may be seen as embarassing. This is why I mostly stick to talking about other people's, either online or to friends and family. One topic I like to do the most is to criticize weddings from people with a similar cultural background.

Examples of Door Games at a Chinese Wedding

Chinese weddings (both in the west and in Asia) can range from outright modern-traditional (no one does traditional-traditional anymore. In fact, I don't think anyone has since the 1960s. It's just not politically correct in this day and age) to ones with very little cultural traditions. Usually, weddings which fall into the latter category are intercultural weddings. Some traditions can be very over the top, in my opinion. I mean, who really needs to have three or four dresses? Two (one white, western gown and one red, Chinese kwa) dresses are plenty. Besides, when you're paying four figures for a dress (as most wedding gowns are), don't you want to wear it longer? Door games can be a little crazy, too. Originally meant to quiz the groom on what he knows about the bride (meaning whether he truly cared for her or not), they have, for many, gone way, way OTT. I've seen some which would likely earn a PG-13/14A rating (or higher!!!) if it were a movie. It may be fun to make the boys perform unusual tasks, especially if it involves push ups, donning wigs or eating/drinking very spicey foods, but what if it's on the verge of embarassing? You're most likely being video taped, so what if it somehow ends up on YouTube? Reception are crazy, too. Seriously, folks, brides and grooms aren't 20 year old university students. Those games should have been left behind when one graduated.

Tea Ceremony

Two traditions I *DO* like, both which will be in my wedding, are the tea ceremony and table toasting. They are lovely traditions that are both very civilized. Though the origin of the ceremony is sad - in the old days, a girl officially leaves her family when she marries - it's a way to honour parents and other family members for raising you as well as bring together both families. Table toasting, where the bride, groom and sometimes, their parents and/or elder relatives go from table to table to toast guests and be toasted, is another tradition I am a fan of.

I know this post makes me sound stiff, but I like weddings to feel elegant, from start to finish. Some of the traditions, unfortunately, just aren't the case to me. Or at least, not the case anymore. I realize that some might see door games, for example, as a way to loosen up, but really, what would you do if it goes viral on YouTube? I honestly don't want to be the next crazy reality star. If I want to be on television, I want to get in the proper way.

Also posted in Prospere Magazine

Four Months to Go, Cake Cards and Next Steps

In four month's time, I would be a married woman.  Yesterday marked our four-months-to-the-wedding date!  It's been crazy with invitations (we ordered ours through Stephita.  They're AMAZING and very affordable compared to other places.  Not only are there a lot of choices when it comes to customization, but they print everything on the premises.  Really lowers the cost - to as much as HALF per card!). 

My parents are giving "cake cards" out to our family members who live in town.  It's a modern tradition in the Chinese community to do this, an off shoot of a tradition in the old days where parents of the bride hand out actual cakes/buns after an engagement.  It only goes to guests on the girl's side.  However, in modern times, not all invitations are hand-delivered, so it's much easier/convenient/cheaper to include a gift card in the invitation.  All bakeries in Chinese malls sell these.  At first, I was against giving them out - why bother, right?  But my mother said that it would look bad on us if we didn't.  My parents have been invited to two weddings this summer and both invites included these cards.  They said that having them was "tradition."  What tradition? It isn't really MINE.  It's THEIRS.  But since they're the ones handing delivering those invitations, I guess they can do whatever they want with them. 

As for the next steps?  Clothes.  My dress should be ready for the first fitting in the next few weeks.  They haven't contacted me about it yet.  As for the bridesmaids, one girl already has her dress and the others have either ordered it or will be ordering.  I had *THOUGHT* my flower girl's dress had been ordered, but it turns out that the one we chose has been discontinued.  So we're back at square one.  As for the guys?  My fiance has his tux placed and we are going this weekend to get the groomsmen and ring bearer outfits.

Dresses

Though I love my dress and all (it's going to be ready by the end of the month/early next month!!!), I can't help but wonder if I really should have bought local, rather than a big brand name.  My mom wanted me to get the latter - they felt that a known brand would have better QA.  However, I also love to support local designers and dressmakers.  Why not?  Sure, no one's ever heard of them, but everyone was an unknown at one point. 

Would you buy a wedding gown from an up-and-coming/unknown designer?  Or would you stick to a well-known name?

Less than five months to go!!!

Can't believe it's almost here. We've officially ordered our invitations will be getting them in a couple of weeks. What else do we have to do?

• Finalize registry
• Dress fittings
• Mail out invites
• Dance lessons!!!!
• Seating plan
• Pay installments for photog, videography, DJ, etc...
• Get licence (can't do that until late May or later - you have to get it no earlier than 90 days before the wedding)
• Meet with officiant

I hope I'm not leaving anything out!

Even more music possibilities

Rigaudon by Andre Campras

The grand march from Aida is also a possibility, but is it a GOOD CHOICE? I mean, considering what happens in the story...

Menu Tasting

The fiance and I went for our menu tasting a few days ago. Though we've pretty much decided on what we're going to serve, we're a little conflicted about the salad course. I've chosen a quinoa salad. However, I'm beginning to wonder: Is it too starchy for a salad course? Should I request that more vegetables be added? Also, will non-foodies eat quinoa? Or am I underestimating people?

The other menu choices, such as the carrot soup and our mains, are probably dishes that most people will like. What do you think?

Cynthia's Style Guide!

The guide books don't have answers to everything. It's to the point that I've decided to develop something called Cynthia's Style Guide for the Twenty-First Century. Loosely based on more traditional guides like Emily Post or Debrett's, it is also an updated version which fits today's modern society. It is very difficult to find out how to address blended families in the traditional guides. While etiquette books do update every few years, some rules seem to remain the same, even though society has changed. Don't you find it interesting that though Emily Post's books have updated to include what to do for women who've kept their last names, but didn't bother to change the rule to make it okay to include a woman's given name if she HAS changed her last name (a lot of younger married women complain about this)? In Cynthia's Guide, both would be considered correct. As we are becoming a greener society, it is also fine to include unmarried adult children living at home in the same invitation, though unmarried adults living away will receive his or her own (this apparently goes against Chinese tradition, but whatever).

So here are some of my rules (these rules assume that no inner envelope is used):

To a married couple where the wife has taken her husband's name:

Mr. John and Mrs. Mary Smith (or Mr. and Mrs. John Smith)


Married couple where the wife has kept her name:

Mr. John Smith and Ms. Mary Jones

An unmarried couple living together will be addressed the same way. Some guides say that the guy's name is always first, but you can put whomever you know better.

Married couple where the wife has a hyphenated her last name (or has a double last name):

Mr. John Smith and Ms. Mary Jones-Smith (or Ms. Mary Jones Smith)

Same-sex couples:

Mr. Simon Brown and Mr. Evan Harris (Ms. for women)

The traditional family:

Mr. John and Mrs. Mary Smith
Kate and Robert (last name and courtesy titles optional)

(it is assumed that the children have the same last name as their father in this case. Follow the rules for married couples when addressing envelopes).

Unmarried couples with kids: same as above.

Women with a different last name as their kids: Include the kids' last name(s)

e.g. Ms. Jennifer Smith
Laura and Robert Jones

It's best to include the kids' names, but if there are many, the parents names and family is fine.
If you decide to use courtesy titles, you can:

Mr. John and Mrs. Mary Smith
Miss (or Ms.) Laura and Mr. Robert Smith (family with a boy and a girl)

Mr. John and Mrs. Mary Smith
Misses Laura and Stephanie Smith (two+ girls)

Mr. John and Mrs. Mary Smith
Messrs. Robert and David Smith

Widowed women:

Mrs. Mary Smith (or Ms. Mary Smith or whatever she was called while her husband was still alive)

Divorced women:

Ms. Mary Jones

Professional titles:

The person with the professional title goes first. So, if the wife is a doctor and the husband is not, her name is first.

E.g. Doctor Louisa and Mr. Benjamin Wong

When both the husband and wife are doctors:

Doctors Albert and Marissa Cohen

When both are doctors and the wife has a different last name:

Doctor Michael Chan and Doctor Elise James

While many of these rules will probably be considered "inappropriate" by traditional standards, we are in a new century and should have new rules.

Proper in One Culture but not the Other...

What do you do in this case? As you readers probaly know, I was raised/exposed primarily to western culture, especially when it comes to manners. I only recently found out that some things I was taught (in an Emily Post sort of way) was actually considered rude in traditional Chinese culture - especially with the elderly. For example, I was told, literally just two days ago, that it was improper to address invitations sent to my grandparents as Mr. and Mrs. It HAS to go to "Grandfather" or "Grandmother." I was taught that something like this goes into an inner envelope, if I have one (and I don't). The outer envelope, the one that the post office sees, should be Mr. and/or Mrs. or Ms. What should I do? Any advice?

It's interesting that many non-Chinese multiculturalists expect people like me to know all about Chinese etiquette. I do not. In fact, most Jook Sings do not.

More on Music....(the bride's entrance)

What's a better bride procession piece:

Hornpipe (Handel):



or

Mouret's Rondeau (aka theme from Masterpiece Theatre):



Both pieces will be played by a violinist, a cellist and a keyboardist. Also, if I decide on Hornpipe, would it be (ummmm) too much Handel? I am also having a soloist sing Where'er You Walk.

Flowergirl Dresses....

Why, oh, why are they so expensive? One of the dresses I liked was about the same cost as many bridesmaid dresses! I have to admit that I'm being a little more picky, because my flower girl is NOT going to wear white (she will be wearing lavendar, since darker purple can look harsh on a four year old), but still, a kid's dress shouldn't be like $175!

In other news, we pretty much have all our vendors in place as we signed our florist this week. Next step? Menu tastings!

When is 'cream' too white?

Is this white or cream?

Honestly, I sometimes wish my parents tell me what proper modern Chinese wedding etiquette is. It's not really something I bother Googling, because I assume that my parents are okay with my overwhelmingly westernized upbringing and rules. And then, lo and behold, they, at last minute (or sometimes even much, much later), tell me that something is a faux pas. Take flowers for example. I'm apparently not allowed to have white flowers, because that's what's used in Chinese funerals (but a white dress is allowed. In fact, a western wedding gown is EXPECTED. And mine is white-white. Not cream. Not off-white. Not champagne. The cake frosting is expected to be white, also.) Fine. Let's go with cream. However, when does white become cream? Is the picture above cream or white? My bridesmaids are supposed to be the opposite of me - purple dresses with a predominantly cream bouquet (even if white were "allowed," it would be too harsh for their purple, anyway), while I have a predominantly purple bouquet. I don't want to ruin my colour scheme and don't want the "cream" flowers to be too-too yellow/peach, either.

Any suggestions?

Things are coming along.....

So far, we've had the following booked:

• Venue
• Bridal Party
• My Dress!
• Cake
• Photographer (we've even had our engagement shoot)
• Videographer (see above)
• Rings
• Hotel for out-of-town guests
• Favours
• Officiant
• DJ
• Invitations
• Musicians for the ceremony

What we still need to do:

• Linens (well, chair covers)
• Licence (can't get it until the end of May/early June as they're only valid for 90 days)
• Flowers
• My shoes
• My headpiece
• Make-up/hair people
• Menu for reception
• Rehearsal dinner venue

and probably a few more things I've left out!

My Dream Shoes

This is pretty much the only time I can SPLURGE for shoes and THESE are my dream shoes:

They are also available in silver as well as black, purple (a wedding colour!). I'm probably going to stay with the metallics, but purple sounds good, too!